Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Randomize
