I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
