just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
