Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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