I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's the barista slut.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
