my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Girls should come with a carfax report
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
