Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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