i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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