Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
