You really coming over, don't trick.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
