But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Im at strip club and am horny
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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