I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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