i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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