Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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