Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
