if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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