I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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