pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
