Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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