this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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