please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
