if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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