I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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