she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
