to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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