the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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