i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
