And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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