bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
