alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
