guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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