The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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