God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
