we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
