Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
