for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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