well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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