She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm too high and old for this...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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