lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
