Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
