I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
