She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
