I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
