Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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