Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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