I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
