she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my poor anus
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
