I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
