What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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