Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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