How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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