is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
