last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
