His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
