I wish I could punch you in the face.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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