Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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