I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
