We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
