I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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