Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
