just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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