quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
