I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
