i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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