He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
