i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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