You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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