xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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