Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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