We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
