I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
