I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
