I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
